Monday, December 14, 2015

what do you want

This wasn't exactly the question I expected when I sat down after (all but one of) my exams this afternoon. I grabbed my Bible, journal, pen, and music to spend some alone time with the Lord and after a few moments of reflections and prayer I felt this question, not harshly, but genuinely,

"What do you want?"

uh... Excuse me, Maker of the Universe sir, what? Why does this matter right now? I'm trying to pray and repent and get my life more together. I am trying to pass exams and apologize for not living and being the way You called me to at all times. I don't think that You should be asking me about the things I want. All these things and still I felt the question,

"Grace, what do you want more than anything else?
The desires of your heart, given from My heart, will be fulfilled.
I promise. Trust Me."

Impulses and sensors go off thinking, "PROSPERITY GOSPEL! WARNING! CAUTION!" But then I stopped. This is Biblical (Psalm 37:4). Not that God is some big red jolly Santa in the sky with magical powers, but that He changes us and really those desires that we have in our hearts that are from His heart are promised.

And truthfully (and slightly cheesily) my desires can be boiled down to 3 things.
For God to receive glory in my life
To adventure with Him
To be satisfied in Christ

So I prayed and really broke those things down.

for God to receive glory in my life
"Baby girl, you don't even know. You just don't even know."
When we truly live in the constant state of this being our desire, when we live with this thought on the forefront of our minds, we can't even see the impact we have. We don't really comprehend the difference it makes to smile at that guy you pass on the sidewalk. We don't know what it means to someone when we tell them a truth from the Lord that we see in their life. We can't understand the ripple effects and change that is sparked when we are faithful in small. The big things matter. Of course they matter! If the Lord puts it on your heart to present the Gospel, Do it! But if the Lord asks you to refrain and be patient and share simple truths of who He is, do that just as faithfully.

To adventure with Him
"Trust Me. No matter where you go or what the circumstances, not a day will be any less."
#boom. Ain't got anything else to say about that.

To be satisfied in Christ
"Welcome to the inception that will forever be your life with Me. Remain in Me and you will be satisfied... but you'll also be forever wanting more... but you'll be satisfied."
I was watching a teaching by Todd White one day and he said something to effect of "If God is not your Father, you'll always be an orphan." I wrote that down and continued to stretch it out.
"If I am not your Father, you'll always be an orphan. If I am not your Mentor, you'll never learn what I have for you. If I am not your First Love, you'll never be satisfied and whole." Satisfaction is not something that I can come up with within myself, find in another person, or will to be present in my life. Satisfaction is a state of peace within and contentment. And Christ Himself is our peace (Eph. 2:14), He's my satisfaction.